The agenda for the City Council meeting on March 17, 2026 is one of the longest, most complicated, most technically challenging agendas I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I have the skill or attention span to summarize it in a way that would be helpful to any of you.

So — I give up! I’ll leave this one to the more responsible among us to provide an actual preview.

Instead, and in honor of St. Patrick’s Day (which happens to be the same day as this cursed meeting):

It’s limerick time. ☘️

These are really bad. But hey: at least you know a robot didn’t write them! And I’ll tell you about what actually happened later.

Presentations: Proclamation celebrating Women’s History Month and an annual report by the Active Transportation Committee

Women get a whole month — that’s nice
Our progress took much sacrifice
And while I’d much rather see
Crash reports from PD
I guess an ATC chat will suffice

Consent Calendar

Routine, but we’re down a Director
And some things require a “treasurer“
CM says, “I’ll do it”
Guess that’s all there is to it?
Council has little choice but accept her

Public Hearing #1: Request for continuance for adopting storm drain development fees

Nobody cares about storm drains
Til’ it floods everywhere when it rains
Devs pay the drain fees
How much? Wait n’ see
Continued til’ next time, what a pain

Public Hearing #2: Repealing and replacing the Tenant Protection Ordinance to require landlords to give city notices of at fault evictions, in addition to no-fault ones

When landlord says, “pay the rent!”
And you can’t ’cause the money’s all spent
He’s to tell City about it
Before you get kicked-outed
Will these regulations ever relent?

Public Hearing #3: Removing the Segerstrom sites (plus a few others) from the Housing Element, adding two sites, and requiring the city to find sufficient housing sites to replace them within 180 days to comply with “no-net-loss” rules

When the Segerstroms said, “out we go!”
It dealt our housing plan a terrible blow
City Hall’s in a tizzy
Process makes me dizzy
Six months? Another deadline to blow

Public Hearing #4: Rezoning the remaining Housing Element sites to upzone them to meet the City’s RHNA requirement (minus the units the city still needs to find to comply with the no-net-loss rules)

Didn’t the last item say, “not enough sites”?
Yeah, but HCD’s got us dead to rights
We must rezone in a hurry
There’s no time to worry
Or the State will beat out our daylights

New Business #1: Considering whether to pursue establishing a rental registry and a “Network for Renters Solutions”

A camel’s nose peeks in the tent
Step one to controlling the rent
For three years they’ve tried
Are there four on their side?
No money for a new department

New Business #2: Approval of city’s audited financial and other statements for FY 2024/2025 (last year)

Our financials’ been rocky a while
But the auditors give points for style
The item’s title’s a tease
Not the money we need
After some talk, just “receive and file”

New Business #3: Half a million dollars + to just plan to restore the Fairview Park west bluff

Explain spending so I understand
A quarter of the budget on “plans”
Half-a-million for words
Nothing for the birds
Consultants clink coins in their cans

New Business #4: Housing projects at the Senior Center and the former Travelodge need $750,000 each, and City Hall proposes to almost zero-out the city’s remaining HOME funds to cover the cost — so, what happens to future rental assistance needs?

Devs say, “Sorry, we’ve hit a dead end
More cash, or no houses, my friend”
“Use HOME funds,” they cry!
Now the HOME fund’s run dry
But when we need rental money, who spends?

New Business #5: Just kidding, the Senior Center developer doesn’t need $750,000 — it actually needs $3.25 million, and City Hall says it can raid the Housing Trust Fund and the One Metro West “economic recovery and community development funds” to cover the balance

Assuming they’re not all asleep
The Council is likely to freak
It’s an outrageous sum
Budget’s tight as a drum
I guess “non-profit” housing’s not cheap!

That’s all — and that’s plenty. Say a prayer for your council member. Some days, it’s a miserable job.